Sense and Sensitivity | Traveling with couple put strain on friendship

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently went on vacation with my husband and our close friends — also a couple. While we were excited about the trip and the opportunity to spend quality time together, I found myself feeling frustrated and disappointed by some of their behaviors during the vacation. Despite our close friendship, there were instances where they seemed inconsiderate and oblivious to our preferences and boundaries. For example, they made decisions without consulting us and disregarded our suggestions for activities. I’ve always wanted to go parasailing, and they said that they’ve already done it and don’t want to spend the money again.

As a result, I couldn’t help but feel like our vacation was somewhat overshadowed by these tensions, and I’m now left wondering how to address these feelings with our friends without causing conflict or strain on our relationship. I value our friendship and want to maintain a positive connection, but I also don’t want to ignore my own feelings of frustration and disappointment. — Selfish Friends

DEAR SELFISH FRIENDS: If you want to stay friends with them, consider chalking up your experience to a memory and not bringing it up again. Don’t forget, though. Make a mental note that you don’t want to vacation with them again. In the future, when you are unhappy with how others are treating you, say something in the moment. You can also vacation together but do some things separately when you don’t agree. Just try not to harbor bad feelings, especially since you didn’t address the issue as it was happening.

DEAR HARRIETTE: How can I address my girlfriend’s strong belief in astrology and signs, which has become overwhelming for me? Initially, I found it intriguing, but her constant fixation on astrological interpretations and preconceived notions is now impacting our daily activities and relationship dynamics. How can I communicate my discomfort with her obsession and kindly request that she ease off on the astrological influence? I understand that if I want to keep this relationship, balancing her beliefs with our shared experiences is essential. — Horoscope Believer Girlfriend

DEAR HOROSCOPE BELIEVER GIRLFRIEND: You have to talk to her about it. Acknowledge that you see how immersed she is in astrology, and you appreciate that it has fully captivated her attention. Explain, though, that you do not share her interest or belief in the impact of astrology on daily life. Let her know that you don’t mind her having her own views, but it is uncomfortable for you when every aspect of your daily life is considered through the lens of astrology. It is too much for you. Be sure to say that you are not trying to control what she thinks or believes, but likewise, you don’t want her to try to control what you think or believe.

In order for your relationship to survive this, you two will need to come to an understanding of boundaries and acceptance. Just like when people come from different religions, cultural backgrounds or socioeconomic statuses, it can be hard to reconcile accepting the other person for who they are and allowing space for them to have their own beliefs. This could be a passing interest of your girlfriend’s, but it could also be the way that she chooses to view the world. You two either have to come to terms on how you can coexist with different beliefs or move on.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.