‘Before the age of 40, I never lifted weights—now I do it five days a week’

I also hated the idea of becoming “bulky”. When I was a teen in the 90s, I got teased for having “Madonna arms”, aka visible biceps. Unfortunately, at that impressionable age, I internalised the idea that to avoid having muscular-looking arms, I should avoid weights, too.

It’s not just superficial reasons that stopped me from strength training. I worried about pulling a muscle or getting injured with weights in my younger years… and later, as a 41-year-old mother-of-four with a shaky core, the possibility of starting the journey seemed even more out of reach.

I’ve had a front row seat to the incredible transformations that strength training can offer, watching my husband significantly change his body composition over the past few years, losing weight and building muscle. Though this also had a positive knock-on effect when it came to his diet, energy levels and overall health, it wasn’t enough to get me on the mat.

But six months after I turned 40, I slipped on the pavement and fractured my sacrum. I hit a low point, physically and mentally. I had to have bone density scans to rule out osteoporosis and I was forced to confront the reality that I really wasn’t in my 20s anymore. Now was the time to start making lifestyle changes to help me enjoy the present – and the future.

Recovery was tough. I spent months feeling weak and miserable. I made a promise to myself that once I’d fully healed, I’d never take moving my body for granted. And I would get as fit and strong as I possibly could.

Though I was motivated by personal reasons, there’s plenty of research that supports strength training at all ages, whether you’re looking to increase muscle mass and drop body fat in perimenopause, maintain bone density or help alleviate menopausal symptoms like hot flushes.

Here’s what I’ve learned six months into my weight training journey so far. In many ways I’m still a beginner, but lifting dumbbells has already had a profound impact on every facet of my life.

1.There are plenty of free resources to get started with strength training

Strength training always felt intimidating to me, but once I decided to try it, I realised it didn’t have to be. In fact, I think it’s a lot more low-key than taking up other kinds of fitness, like running. No need for spenny trainers or workout gear – I kicked off with a set of 2kg weights and my phone.

I started my weight training journey in January 2024 on my bedroom floor, using the Peloton app. It’s been my go-to for workouts since the pandemic, helping me rehab my knee after surgery to repair a torn meniscus in 2020. Since then, I’ve used it for yoga, running, meditation, rowing and resistance training: bodyweight strength classes, barre and Pilates.

Familiarity with the instructors and app helped ease me into strength training with weights, as did keeping my workouts free of any goals or pressure. I started by doing 10-20-minute beginner arms and upper-body workouts a few times a week. I just wanted to show up for myself, not get into Gladiators shape.

I pay for my Peloton subscription monthly, but there are hundreds of free workouts with qualified trainers on YouTube – all you need is to find someone you trust and enjoy training with.

2. Start light – it’s better to build your strength up than overdo it and get injured

Since I was petrified of hurting my back again, I resisted any urge to push myself into anything too challenging when it came to strength training.

There’s a mentality that if you’re strength training, you should be lifting heavy – an attitude which put me off weights before I’d even started. Turns out, it’s not even true. Lifting light offers tons of benefits – on a muscular, cardio and even an emotional level. In fact, one study in Experimental Gerontology found that lifting lighter loads at higher repetitions can lead to greater strength endurance increases than lifting heavier weights.

I began feeling the benefits within a couple of weeks, gaining confidence as a result of the repetitive nature of the workouts. As little as ten minutes of light weightlifting a few times a week would do amazing things for my mood and energy levels.

I would advise any newbie to start out light and slow – and to keep at a steady pace rather than trying to go too heavy too soon. I’ve heard many horror stories from 40-something friends who launched themselves into strength training, lifted too much, and ended up with back issues or injuries as a result.

3. Have a variety of weights available to target different muscle groups

Strength training is less complicated than I’d feared, and a lot of the exercises are the same regardless of whether you’re a beginner or a more advanced lifter – just with modification and progression options. For example, in earlier stages, you might keep your knees on the ground for support when performing a plank, or use one weight instead of two for dumbbell exercises like lunges.

Once I got familiar with the vernacular (renegade row! Arnold press!) and could manage a beginner upper-body class without issue, I felt I was ready to move on and target different muscle groups, a.k.a. the rest of my body.

I began integrating weights of different sizes into my workouts – I handily had my husband’s to borrow – and doing strength workouts more consistently. I’d train four days a week, using workout splits to focus on different muscle groups each day. This meant each muscle group would get a rest the next day, when I trained a different part of my body.

I discovered I needed a few different sets of weights to work out my whole body. While light weights were still important for arms and shoulder exercises, like front and lateral arm raises which fatigue deltoids quickly, I needed heavier ones for chest and back workouts (usually 4.5kg). For glutes and legs, I’d go heavier still, with 7.5kg or 9.1kg weights.

4. Force yourself to target the area you feel is weakest – you’ll probably see the greatest improvement here

I’m aware that my lower body is a lot weaker than my upper body – my glutes stopped activating my last two pregnancies and it’s been really tricky to build those muscles back up.

At first, I avoided lower-body lifting because I knew I would find it tricky, both physically and mentally. (Bonus of working out at home? No one heard me cursing at the screen when I had to do yet another round of goblet squats.)

Even after several months, I only do glutes and legs once a week, and never for longer than 20 minutes at a time. Without fail, I’ll still wake up sore and achy the next day, my inner thighs burning. The old me would have given up long ago… but now, I don’t want to. I can recognise the difference between injury and achiness, and I know this kind of soreness is progress. I just need to take it easy for a few days, let my muscles recuperate and do another glutes workout the next week.

Sure enough, my lower body is where I’ve noticed the most improvement since I started weight training, both visibly (I have bum muscles now!) and in terms of overall strength. When I carried a few heavy grocery bags several blocks’ home from the supermarket the other week, for once, it wasn’t my arms, shoulders and back carrying the load – my lower body was involved, feeling strong, stable and supportive.

5. I’m shocked by how far I’ve come in a few months

As someone who started running 18 months ago ago and is still working my way up to a 5k, I’ve learned that sometimes you have to be patient when it comes to new fitness challenges.

But weight training feels different – the progress is more tangible. I see it every time I now reach for my 4.5kg weights, which are now my light weights. Or when I somehow manage to do a controlled push-up from a plank position. It’s already considerably easier.

6. The more I lift, the more I love it

The most surprising thing about lifting weights? How obsessed I’ve become.

I’m not part of a strength training community – though I do discuss weights with interested friends and my husband; in fact, we’ve bonded over it. I don’t have a specific goal in mind when I train, either. I’m not trying to get competition-ready or hoping to join CrossFit or Hyrox.

For now, strength training is a quiet, intimate part of my life that I mostly do in the comfort of my bedroom or living room. But doing it on my own hasn’t dampened my interest.

Strength training is something I can do four, five, even six, times a week. Because I’m careful never to lift too heavy, and because I tend to be limited by time between writing work and my kids, I typically won’t do more than 20-30 minutes of strength training each day. This slow but steady buildup works for me.

The psychological effects of lifting weights have also been dramatic. I feel calmer and steadier, and more energised. I sleep better, and I feel excited about getting out of bed each morning, anticipating my next workout.

7. Watching my body become more muscular has been a source of joy

I trained to be a classical ballerina in my teens and had a very specific idea of what my ideal “fit and strong” body should look like: long and lithe.

My body never quite fit that mould, but it’s only recently that my mindset’s shifted. I now embrace the body I have, and, stranger still, find that I’m actively trying to get bigger and stronger.

I no longer fit into many of my clothes because I’m broader – my shoulders, back, bum and thighs have probably changed most dramatically in the past several months of lifting weights – but this doesn’t fill me with dread. The opposite, in fact: I love it. I smile when I happen to catch a glimpse of my growing, changing, muscles in the mirror.

At a recent health MOT, I learned that my muscle mass now measures 46kg of my total body weight. I couldn’t feel prouder.

8. Strength training has changed the way I eat

Another positive side effect of strength training is how it interacts and shapes other aspects of my life. One reason I was able to get into it – and stick with it – this year is because I stopped drinking alcohol last summer. This has had a huge impact on my fitness overall. I’m more motivated, I get up earlier, and I have the headspace to work out in ways that I didn’t when I was hungover.

My diet has shifted, too: I was vegetarian for years, but I can’t maintain the exercise and energy levels I need to lift weights without eating more protein. I started eating meat again towards the end of 2023 to help with this. Now, even when I cook vegetarian dishes, I’m much more conscientious that they’re nutrient-rich and flavourful – broths packed with veggies, udon noodles with egg, lentil and chickpea stews, tuna salads with cannellini beans. I’ve started taking B vitamins and magnesium for muscle recovery, and my husband is urging me to consider adding creatine to my diet, too. (Watch this space.)

9. Weightlifting is one element in my balanced fitness diet

I’ve reached the point in my life where I understand it’s never one thing that makes me feel amazing – it’s all the things combined.

Weights are now an integral part of my life, but resistance strength training is simply one ingredient in a varied repertoire, which includes running, yin yoga, swimming, meditation, nutrition and wholesome family time with my husband and kids.

I’m eager to see where this strength training journey takes me next. Will I get into kettlebells and bench presses? Maybe I’ll join my older kids (who, at 11 and 13, are already strength training for their cricket), and start hurling weighted medicine balls at their dad to improve my core strength?

Now that I’ve started lifting, all I see is opportunity – not fear – on the horizon.

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